Table of Contents
A testimonial by: Ralph Thoren
Dated: July 28,2021
Beginning the road to belief
The goal of this paper is to share with the reader my journey to this stage of my life. What is this stage of my life?
- I am a man of 74 years of age.
- It is my opinion that I have been re-born and received the gift of the Holy Spirit to some degree.
- I am attempting to Listen to God and obey the direction given to me via the Holy Spirit.
Let me go to the beginning and retrace the steps of my life. Let’s see what happened and what opened the door to allow this kind of an interaction with our Lord Yeshua (Jesus) and his spiritual helpers.
My childhood family was raised in Des Moines, Iowa. My Father was a veteran of WWII. We lived in a small new 1-story brick home on the East side. 2 bedrooms, 1 bath. My 2 sisters shared the main floor extra bedroom and our older Brother and I had a bunk bed in the basement. Mom was a “stay at home” Mother. However, Dad worked 3 jobs, made little money, but enough to pay the bills. All of our extended family was in Des Moines or at least in Iowa. Mom and Dad were Sunday school teachers at the local Methodist Church on Easton Blvd.
But, of course, we were regular church go-errs every Sunday. I suspect we were much like a lot of families from the 50’s. It was a good life. Church Sunday morning and family life Sunday afternoon. Homelife was not too religious, prayers at meals, (sometimes) and at bedtime (not always). There was some swearing, some domestic quarreling, but mostly we got along.
I encounter the Supernatural
The big event from my childhood happened in Church. Suddenly out of the sky blue, some guy stood up and started spouting gibberish language that made no sense whatsoever. The minister and the whole congregation just stopped and let him continue until it ended. He than sat down and service continued as if nothing had happened, yet something did happen, and it was apparent everybody but me knew what happened.
When we got home, I asked Dad what that was. He explained very carefully and slowly that. “The man was very close to God and sometimes when people are that close, they talk in an unknown language”. Dad went on to say, “It’s nothing to be frightened of and actually kind of an honor if it occurs to you.” It scared me and I did not want that to occur to me.
Moving forward Mom got the itch to make more money and live the “better life”. The family moved to Winterset, Iowa, where Mom had purchased a furniture store.
This was a big 4-bedroom house with an extra acre and ½. We had money, horses, cars, go carts, new furniture etc. Mom had arrived, but that wonderful stay home Mom was replaced by a hired housekeeper and cook. Family life took a huge tumble. All 4 of us kids rebelled in 1 way or another. We went to church but not regularly as Dad often was out of town working. It got so bad that one Summer during VBS I talked my little Sister into skipping all week. We actually got away with it. Mom and Dad separated. Dad was working in Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Mom at the furniture store. My older Brother and Sister had problems with school. I was devastated, cause Dad was gone. So much for the good life.
Ministers are people too!
The big event from that era happened during Summer Church camp at Lake Aquabi. One of the adult counselors and I really hit it off. He was a great guy. We both liked swimming, so we spent a great deal of time in the water. I suspect missing my Dad had something to do with this. Anyway, at the end of the week the counselors were all dressed in their normal attire and saying a few words of encouragement during the good bye period. Thats when I realized my friend, swimming buddy and confidant was a Minister! Oh my. What had I said during the past week, would he tell Mom or even worse, tell God? Then it came to me, Ministers are also people. They would like to swim as well. Please note: I’m kind of a slow learner.
Moving forward: I’m now about 12 years old, not at all happy with being away from Dad. My older Brother was misbehaving a little and he got to go to Cedar Rapids and spend more time with Dad. I lost sight of just about everything and was heading in the wrong directions. Finally, it was my turn. You’re going to go live with your Dad. Hooray, I got to go to Cedar Rapids and live in a trailer with Dad. I even got to go to work with him and my Uncle Jr. Life was great, I thought anyway. I completely lost sight of Church and what I had learned as a child. We were fishing, hunting laughing. I had cousins’ new friends. I knew my Dad still loved Mom and it would be just a matter of time. And it was.
Dad and Mom reconciled, bought a new house in the Cedar Rapids. Iowa area next to a schoolhouse. Dad was making good money and we had a great family life again. Mom and my Aunt Norma (Jrs wife) started a new Church that had worship services in the schoolhouse. That church grew and is still in existence today. We again had to go to church every Sunday.
An agnostic adolescent
I was a teenager at this time. Going to Church out of duty only. I didn’t learn a thing. Growing older through High School, I lost sight of my religious upbringing, started asking questions of myself and became a bit of an agnostic.
I graduated from High School and after a year floundering around decided to go to college.
I started at Ellsworth Jr. College in Iowa Falls, Iowa. (Close to Zearing, Iowa)
Two events happened while at Ellsworth Jr. college.
- I met Sue. She was from Zearing, Iowa where she had been raised on the family farm. She would later become my first wife. I had a convertible, a girlfriend, was of legal age to buy beer. Life seemed good.
- I met a youth minister. He was a nice young man, doing his job. I explained my agnostic views. I looked at an agnostic as one who would like to believe in God, but just doesn’t have the courage to go on blind faith, so is stuck as a non-believer. Words alone were not enough to move me to the kind of faith I had heard about in Church or read about in the New Testament of The Bible.
Human failure
My time was up at Ellsworth, so I moved on and worked my way into The University of Iowa. It just so happens, that was the same University Sue was at. We were soon married and started a family. I was attending Church occasionally. Bought a house in the Cedar Rapids area.
I got a good job with a major corporation.
Sue became pregnant for a second time. We lost the baby at the Hospital right before birth. This was a traumatic event, Sue and I were both young people and did not have a clue on how to handle this situation. Thank God for the folks at the funeral home. They took our stillborn child’s remains and cremated. Later, we picked up the remains and took them to the Zearing Iowa cemetery. We buried the remains on the gravesite of Doyle Tett who was Sue’s Dad. Doyle had passed a few years before. At this time, I took a mental picture of the gravesite, so I could find it in the future.
Another major event from this time was in 1976. My Mother got “The cancer” and died. She was a very charismatic Christian in the years prior to her death. We (Dad, and all of us kids) were visiting daily/nightly at the hospital. On my last visit, I was praying with Mom. It came to me that she was staying “alive” for our benefit only. She was in a lot of pain and wanted to leave. I took Moms hand, told her it was OK, we would all be alright. My prayer to God was to take Mom. I couldn’t handle watching her in pain anymore. I went home around 1AM. Mom passed that Morning before dawn. I knew it before I got the call. That was the first time I communicated with God.
Sue, Ralph III (our Son) and I moved in with Dad to help him adjust. Dad was still in his 50’s. We figured he would mate up again and we could move out at the appropriate time.
The Minnesota move
I had been wanting to move to Minnesota and Dad found a beautiful widow. It was meant to be. My company knew my desires and off we went to Southern Minnesota. We settled in Fairmont, and I became a regional manager. Bought a house on a lake, had regular money coming in, good vacation plan etc. We started going to the Methodist Church on a regular basis. We had our third child, Robyn. Life seemed good. But there was a problem. My work kept me away from home a lot. I was usually gone 4 nights a week. When I was at home, I was fishing all the time or working to keep the house up. Our marital relationship was slipping. It was my opinion that I provided all the income, and we had a good life. The assumption was that things were ok. I was a bit naïve, and it just never occurred to me that we were in big trouble until I heard the words. “I want a divorce!”
Well, OK, I’ll just fix it. After all that’s what guys do.
An ending and a new beginning
It just wasn’t fixable. Too little communication. Not only was my wife of 10 years disappointed in the marriage but had started making a new life while I was on the road. My company and x-wife all wanted me to move to the west coast and run an area there. The plan by others was I would have the 2 children in the Summer and every other major holiday.
That just wasn’t going to cut it for me. There was no way I could leave my children that much. I worked very hard but eventually won a joint custody in the small town. Wasn’t what I wanted but best to remain in the children’s life as much as possible. The job had to go. Ok, now I found myself unemployed, divorced and a part time parent. This was probably the lowest point in my life, and I had time on my hands. I started to pray and pray and pray. I prayed with all my heart and truly asked for Gods help in my life.
Born again
Something happened. I felt empowered. I was communicating with “The Holy Spirit” regularly. Things seemed clearer, decisions easier. I was able to predict future events and more. Ok, I believe at that point I was reborn. God was with me, and I was with God. The problem was, I didn’t know much about the spiritual world and “The enemy” was also at work. I used some of this new power to commit sins that laid on me heavy. I was realizing that this new Ralph would have to live differently than the old Ralph for this to work. God did not abandon me, but I had much repentance to work on. Time to go to work. Money was getting scarce; a middle-aged woman came to the house to talk about listing and selling. It was apparent to me she was making a living, so could I. Into the Real Estate business, I went. The healing process was under way, but very slow and difficult. God and I were in strong contact Dailey. God highlighted Jane (my present wife).
I now knew there was another life other than this world, but it would require hard work to make the transition and gain the wisdom needed. I did not have enough faith to let God handle all and surrender to him. After all, I was a very competent manager, or so I thought. It was at about this time that I was going back to work as I used too and financially things were coming around. Jane and I married.
Biggest moment and mistake at this time in my life.
I put God on hold.
I knew what God wanted of me, but in my pride and arrogance, I actually told God that I needed to raise my children and lick my wounds. Looking back, I am absolutely ashamed of that decision, but that was it.
The children got raised with some instruction in the Methodist church. Jane and I were truly suited for each other. Our family life did not have God in it to a large degree. Yes, we sat at church, shook the ministers hand went to pot luck dinners, but we were not in the game and I knew it.
Jane and I were married in 1984. We often went to Cedar Rapids to visit Dad and his wonderful new wife Fern. The Children would meet us there also. Life was kind of an adventure for me. I got involved with scuba diving. Opened a dive shop and later went into the charter diving business. We traveled a lot. My daughter Robyn had moved to Seattle and then to California where she met a man who traveled extensively. Dad was ageing and I visited as much as I could. I also was ageing, and the cold waters of Minnesota were not as much fun anymore. I bought a charter boat in Florida and Jane and I moved South. We were on the road a lot because of the property in the North and business in the South.
Around 2011 I went on a visit to Dad’s. I had been fasting for around 15 days. No real reason, just because. It always haunted me that our Lord Yeshua had fasted for 40 days. I did take vegetable juice during fast and of course water. Robyn called and stated she would be in Iowa to visit her new in-laws in Fairfax, Iowa. Would I be interested in coming there and visiting with her. I jumped at the chance. Robyn and I have always been close, so when opportunities arose, I took advantage of them.
Trip of a lifetime
I left Dad’s drove to Fairfax, continued with the fast and visited Robyn. After a few days and a wonderful visit, it was time for me to head to Faimont, Mn. and check on our property. My route would take me right by Zearing, Ia. Something nudged me to visit the grave of my still-born daughter.
I hadn’t returned since buriel, around 1974,75’. It had been about 36 years. Zearing is a very small town, so finding the Cemetery was easy. I remembered the grave was in the NE corner close to some trees. Boy what really shocked me was how big the cemetery had grown. Lots of people had been dying in Zearing. I drove down every street and got out and walked around where I thought the gravesite was. No luck, I looked for over an hour and still no luck. For some reason I was very determined to visit that grave site, but I couldn’t do it on my own. I looked for a map, nonavailable. I googled the cemetery for a map on my phone. Nonavailable. Just sat in the car alone in this cemetery and decided to do something I hadn’t done since I put God on hold.
I prayed. Praying humbly and sincerely. I prayed with all my heart for directions to the grave site. I prayed and waited and listened for an answer in my inner voice. Whenever I have heard the Holy Spirit, it has always been in my inner voice. I waited , I prayed, I waited.
Gods speaks, I listen
Now, in the back seat directly behind me came an audible voice. Strong, clear, powerful and precise. It frightened me. I was even afraid to turn my head and look. The voice had a bit of disgust in it. It was masculine, and he said
“Listen and I’ll tell you!”
I was trembling. I thought that perhaps I was hallucinating or just plain crazy. No, I asked for help. I don’t feel faint in any way. That was the voice of “The Lord” or a Holy angel. I needed to Listen. So I prayed for forgiveness and listened, More praying, more listening. I am concentrating on faith and belief that I will hear. Listening, but nothing. Ok, the enemies of faith are trying to creep in. Doubt, shame, fear, pride. I am continuing to fight off the enemies and Listen. Then after what seemed as a long time, the voice came. Same voice but inner, rather than audible.
Help asked for – Help received
The voice said, “Drive forward”
I humbly put the car into gear and cautiously and slowly started to drive forward. The road I was on was in the middle of the cemetery and went from the West end to the East end. I drove past rows of gravesites, past another road and more rows. Nothing seemed familiar.,
Suddenly the voice said “stop”! I stopped and waited patiently for further directions.
I continued waiting. Was this it or was there more. Faith, keep the faith, I kept saying to myself. Finally, the voice said “walk down the row of grave sites directly to your left.” I slowly and steadily started walking where I believe I was directed. About 50 yards in, the voice said “stop”. I stop and my heart is pounding, I say to myself, if I look down will that stone say Doyle Tett? Am I at the site? I am getting no more direction, I’ll just look.
OK, I look and no it is not the site, nor is the stone next or the stone past. Talk about testing my faith. This is hard. But I had heard a definite audible voice. I have been directed here by divine sources. I’m simply going to stand here with my head down and wait for further direction.
Finally it came, “go 1 row to your left”, done “take 3 steps forward” done “look down at the gravesite at your feet.” I almost fell to my knees. Doyle Tett’s stone in a place that I would have never found by myself. Praise the Lord, what an experience. I was elated, overjoyed and just plain all out in Love with our Lord. As giddy as a little school boy. I just couldn’t get enough conversation the rest of that day. We were connected again and I repented repeatedly for my past behavior. The Lord never left me, he patiently waited until the time was right and I was ready to LISTEN.
So, I believed I had a special experience. I had not heard of any others who heard an audible voice. It is in the Bible, so it certainly has happened. I was left with a renewed connection with God and a huge thirst for knowledge and wisdom.
The “now what”
On to the last phase of “this journey” to date. Jane and I moved to Key West in 2006. I had been chartering in The Bahamas and the Winter crossings were just too harsh. Jane was still involved with work in Fairmont, Mn So she was staying there sometimes while I was working in the Keys. In around 2008, Jane and I were living apart because of our work. This was occurring during the Christmas season. Jane was in Fairmont, Mn and I was in Key West with no family and feeling pretty melancholy. I needed to find a church. Asking around , I heard of “The Vineyard” in Big Pine. A friend and I went to candlelight service and I loved the Church immediately. It was what I thought a church should be. All free will, food, music and a spiritual message.
I couldn’t wait for Jane to get back to the Keys so we could go together.
So now I have The Lord in my life, but still no clear vision of purpose. I have a connection, but no Christian family. Still making about all of my decisions, sometimes checking in with God and sometimes not. I work on the docks and charter business, most of my co-workers and customers are non-believers. Sin and temptation is rampant and everywhere. I needed to know more and I needed to surrender more. It requires more faith.
Our Pastor, keeps saying “press in” .
The last and current chapter
In June of 2015 Jane had a massive bleeding brain aneurism. They flew her to the trauma center in Miami and I had to drive the car alone at 2 am. I didn’t know if she would be alive when I arrived.
Prayer for the entire 2 ½ hour trip. Only about 1 out of 20 people with this type of brain injury live and about ½ are paralyzed. Prayer and more prayer. When I arrived, Jane was alive, and our life was completely changed in one night.
After 2 ½ months of intensive care, brain surgery, therapy and much more. During this time I stayed with Jane mostly, praying and talking with doctors, nurses and various other professionals. When I was exhausted I would go to a quiet bnb where I had rented a room. This place had a nice garden area which I used often for prayer and more prayer. This was a time of closeness with God. I asked for just a little more time with my precious wife. My request was granted. Our daughter Robyn and I took Jane home to the Keys in September. Now as Jane was healing and learning everything all over, it became apparent that I was not only Jane’s husband but also her primary care giver. Ok, I’ll take it. I still had my wife. Amen
Jane healed. It was a different model that resembled the previous Jane, but we still enjoyed each other’s company. We again resumed church at the Vineyard on a regular basis. We were meeting there with friends, enjoying the meals, enjoying the services. It became the high spot of the week.
Pastor Steve often talked about the online Bible Institute and how one could get a college level diploma through it. I had dropped out of The University of Iowa without my diploma, so I talked to Steve about this. He informed me that I could provide transcripts of work completed and finish in the Institute.
While I was in college My Mother helped financially to her ability. It was always her dream that one of her children would finish college. OK, it seemed here was the opportunity. I ordered the transcripts. Steve assured me that I could start taking courses and probably have needed credits with 4 or 5 courses. I enrolled online and got started.
Wow, my first course started to open my eyes. The courses were well written and I felt I was truly learning. There was wisdom here. It seemed I had a little push or motivation other than just my Mother. There were online discussion groups and video’s as well as written material. Most of the wisdom was in the areas that I had a thirst for. The Kingdom of God, The Holy Spirit and more.
I started praying and asking the Holy Spirit for help while doing the courses. My prayers were answered. At some point, I recall that it was during the course on the Holy Spirit, I was moved toward a direction. And The Holy Spirit said “Many people who believe do not LISTEN”. “We need to help them learn to LISTEN”. It’s starting to come through to me, Our Lord wants to reach people. He is the High Priest for his church and he wants his congregation to LISTEN and grow. I need to help. I have a purpose.
So how do I help. And The Holy Spirit moved me to start an online web ministry. The Holy Spirit led me to all the material to start this and the people both incarnate and discarnate to help with wisdom. I had little knowledge about starting and building a website such as this. The Holy Spirit helped.
This effort led me to know the workings of the spiritual world more. It also helped me to understand surrender to God.
Summary
My total conversion is not complete. I consider myself as a work in progress, but progress has been made. To walk with The Lord is a truly wonderful life. I don’t have all the answers, but the Lord does. That’s good enough.
The purpose of my writing is to help you with your journey. It doesn’t happen in a twinkle. It’s a whole lot of twinkles.
Blessings (shalom),
Ralph Thoren